Thonau's diary

This diary is made for my lovely honey, thonau. I hope you like it!

Monday, March 14, 2005

When I was small, I loved to read "Nhan Dan"-Voice of the Vietnamese Communist Party. For some reasons, those political news and social issues fascinated me more than comic books or cartoons. (Not that I didn't like anything else, just I didn't like contemporary stories and cartoons that much. And there weren't a whole lot of decent comics and cartoons at that time anyway). I dreamt that when I grew up, I would be a great great politician, or at least a goverment official, who would change things to the ways they should be.

Most people, including me, does not follow their childhood innocent dreams along the run. Some do, though, and people laugh so hard at somebody who says "I do this or that because I had dreamt of it since I was small". They think that sounds weird, even deceiving in some sense. But I think that's ok, as long as their dreams are practical and that there's reasons to believe one should follow what one thought at "stuffy nose" age they should do in the future.

Now of course I don't know what on earth I should do for the rest of my life. My father insists that I am a study girl and I will be student forever. And that if I can survive through Ph.D I will choose sth else to go to school for. Don't misintepret that as if I were a hardworking student. I am a typical lazy student who'd rather spend the whole spring break watching hundreds of movies than do anything to clear out the two-page list of things I should have done already. I know I want to do pharmacy, and as the cost of medicine in Vietnam is just as ridiculous as in America, it is possible for me to make a fortune. But that's if I ever own a company. And that means I should study more on Eman. Huh, but that may also lead to your seeing me sitting in an accounting office or Bank of America. Then life is screwed up. Being a doctor is great too, you can be your own boss, but that means at least ten more years of school, then my father is right. Acceptable premise defended in a cogent subargument (Brave got that worng in the exam).

In any case I would not see myself as a politician or goverment official, not anymore. I feel really bad anytime I read news on terrible accidents that deprive the lives of many innocents, or catastrophies, or just anything unsolvable involving substandard living and inappropriate policies. Yes I care, as much as any of you may care, if not more. I really care and I want to care. But I can't do much even if I would be elected to a crucial position that may change something. Improving our people's lives is too difficult and time consuming. Long way to go. Pessimistic I am not, but when one blames a leader for not fulfilling his tasks the way he should, I take it simply that he just can't . Politicians are elected to hear critics, but that does not means they are false. It's just that we are depressed and we criticize them. And I don't like to hear unnice things, so I just won't be a politician.

Nevertheless I am still crying for the unlucky people, and sad, and depressed, and going insane as I always am. I can't stand the tragedy. It's too much for me to handle. But I won't be a politician by any mean, and I will keep crying and sad, and depressed, and going insane.


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